This happens to me all the time. The self-deprecating voices that urge me to sabotage successes. The voices that preach that I am not good enough or worthy. Those voices are complete and utter assholes urging me to rationalize and justify my actions. Those bitches are evil.
I don’t think that I have ever committed myself to a sustainable eating plan. I tried all of the “fad” programs only to be back to eating crap. Eight months into the FASTer Way to Fat Loss plan, and those little voices are back. They tell me that I can eat things and not put it in my food diary. They beg me not to workout. It is a nagging urge to slip. Slip back into old habits. Overindulge on the food that is no longer in my repertoire. The difference is that I am aware of them. But, the pull to commit is stronger. Why? Because I feel too good. I look amazing. And, I don’t want to look middle-age. The excess weight made me feel like I was settling. That because I am over 50 I should be okay with being overweight, sluggish, and feeling unattractive. Total bullshit.
My awareness of the potential to slip into old habits happened this past weekend. We were at Bailey’s Special Olympics softball tournament where I saw a fellow FASTer Way to Fat Loss member. She’s a mom of a young man with Down syndrome and committed to the program after she saw the success I was having. She looks AMAZING! Anyway, I was sharing that I am starting to get bored with my food choices. I tend to find something that works and I stick with it until I can no longer stomach it. Don’t worry, my sweet potatoes are safe. Those babies will always have a place in my eating regime. But, I realized that I need to shake it up. Find some new foods to introduce into my meal plan. It was a reminder that I have choices. The habits that I have created over the last 8 months have changed my entire landscape. Something I can’t risk. I don’t want the 30 inches back or the 20 lbs that have disappeared.
Just like anything else in my life, I have to quiet the self-deprecating talk by shifting my view. I am enough. I deserve to feel good. I deserve success. I choose me. And when I commit to me, then everything else simply falls into place. It is all about seeing myself as worthy and valuing my success.
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