Just like any “diet”, this cleanse is making me cranky as I am highly alert to the behaviors that quicken my heart and sicken my stomach. The funny thing is the behaviors are coming from me. Since I am being vigilant about the relationships I am detaching from, I am seeing inappropriate behavior sneaking in on my part. For me, the hardest thing to do is to look at my behavior, but this cleanse isn’t really about the other people is it? No, this cleanse is about me.
In the past, I have been untrustworthy. I was not the person you would want to divulge her inner most thoughts because by the end of the day, everyone knew your business. In the past few days, I have been seeing some things creep in that make me uncomfortable and provide the opportunity to make me accountable. The difference today is I get a sick feeling after I indulge in inappropriate behavior. This provides me with a chance to make it right. I have made numerous amends in the last week of this cleanse. Previously, I would have berated myself for the slips, but this experience is eye-opening for me. Seeing myself with clearer eyes and knowing that I am doing the best I can is progress. Being truthful to others is important, but I can’t do that if I am lying to myself. It is all about authenticity and self-love. Giving myself enough a little wiggle room to try, try again. It is really about the journey and not the destination.
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