Recently, as I share my quest for emotional cleanliness, I was told to have compassion for those that I struggle with during this time. Ugh, was my reaction as compassion was the last emotion I was feeling. It is a struggle to be compassionate to those that challenge you the most. My emotion journal that I am keeping, allows me to focus on my part of the relationship and have compassion for myself. It seems like a lot of work to show that consideration to my tool testers.
I will be honest, I am not there yet. The compassion feeling may come or it may not, but I refuse to beat myself up over a stage in this journey that hasn’t touched me. It is all a process that I merely need to trust. So, I’m not feeling it. My feelings range in the realm of indifference, sometimes annoyance, and most often, exasperation. I am sure that when I look back after working this process a while, it will baffle me that compassion was a road block. Until then, I will have compassion for myself as grow and challenge myself to be the best person I can be. Truthfully, that is all I can do, for today.
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