Truthfully

Recently, as I share my quest for emotional cleanliness, I was told to have compassion for those that I struggle with during this time.   Ugh, was my reaction as compassion was the last emotion I was feeling.    It is a struggle to be compassionate to those that challenge you the most.    My emotion journal that I am keeping, allows me to focus on my part of the relationship and have compassion for myself.    It seems like a lot of work to show that consideration to my tool testers.

I will be honest, I am not there yet.   The compassion feeling may come or it may not, but I refuse to beat myself up over a stage in this journey that hasn’t touched me.  It is all a process that I merely need to trust.    So, I’m not feeling it.   My feelings range in the realm of indifference, sometimes annoyance, and most often, exasperation.    I am sure that when I look back after working this process a while, it will baffle me that compassion was a road block.  Until then, I will have compassion for myself as grow and challenge myself to be the best person I can be.  Truthfully, that is all I can do, for today.