So, as I am packing to leave for a weekend excursion to the beach and I am panic stricken. You probably don’t feel sorry for me, but there is more. My husband and I are taking my mother with us to a birthday party for someone very special to us. I have written in the past about my tumultuous relationship with her. It is hard enough being with her regularly, but to travel with her is a different story.
Please know that I do love my mother. We are just different. Last night, I woke up gasping for air. I thought I was dying and then realized that I was having a panic attack. I don’t have panic attacks. In fact, I pride myself on being pretty calm. So, this was something very new for me. My strategy was to focus on my breath. In and out. I did this for several minutes until I calmed my inner being.
I am aware that God is providing an opportunity for me. An opportunity that I would like to politely pass on, but what I know is that there may be something amazing that happens through this process. I just have to be open to it.
I am trying to see the positives in all this weekend has to offer, but I am quickly drawn back into the incessant needs of my mother. It is like traveling with a two year-old instead of an 83 year-old woman. Maybe I will be surprised by what the weekend has in store. Until then, I think I will just breathe.