Reactor

I will admit it……I am a recovering reactor.   Impulsive with my actions, I tend to err on the side of freaking out before I gather more information.   My family has been the recipient of such outburst, but as my awareness has peaked, I am slowly shifting that behavior.

During such reactions, I am often like a “drunk”.  Unreasonable and unwilling to hear the other side, I unleash a hurtful and often harmful, commentary.   Many times, my reactions stem from fear.  Being scared of a situation can warrant my unraveling serenity.  After all, I am the victim, right?  Wrong.  No victim, just a crazy lunatic who can’t control her outburst.

Here is my solution…..pause when agitated, think before speaking, and deep breaths with a long exhale.   Those actions can rid my body of anxiety and put me back into a place of sanity.  I can’t take words back.  Despite a sincere apology, people don’t forget words easily.

My overreaction is an inherited trait.  I am not blaming anyone, but I will point out, it was a learned behavior.  Sometimes, while we pass on some good stuff to our kids, we often share some toxicity.    Yes, my kids have witnessed “demon” mom, but they have also witnessed the other side.  The calm one who listens to their side before jumping to conclusions.   Work in progress, friends, with a teaspoon of crazy, still left on the side.