I am my own worst critic. Others could be singing my praises, but if I am not at peace with me, those praises are muted. Recently, I have been having harsh words with myself. With the recent defriending of several on Facebook, I thought that would help me move forward, but instead those people are taking up residence in my head. Why it is that I am allowing them in rent free? Well, I can answer that with one word……shame. Yes, I am full of shame that I am permitting these individuals to have so much power over me.
I have code words for myself when those people creep into my head, but even then I still manage to swim in my thoughts. Part of my process, is acknowledging my part in the relationship. While the behavior of these individuals isn’t acceptable, I have to remember that there our two sides. I am not always respectful and I have a hard time being kind when in their presence.
So what is my next step? Well, be patient with myself. Gentle steps toward emotional sobriety. It is a long process. I am on a journey of acceptance of me. So sometimes I am going to sweat the small stuff. The reward is I am on the road to recovery and it won’t always be this hard.
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