A recent interaction gave me an opportunity to ask myself some hard questions. While out to dinner I was approached by a someone that I have known most of my life. Our relationship had drifted, not because we don’t care for one another, but there was a wedge put between us by various issues. Interestingly enough this person extended their version of an olive branch which consisted of a invitation. An invitation, in my perception, that was laced with a bit of passive aggressiveness partnered with a splash of bitterness. All in all a confusing yet interesting exchange.
After our discussion was over, I had all kinds of thoughts. My mother’s voice clearly vocalizing that “this person was so good to you that you should resume this relationship” gave me pause. Are we obligated to continue relationships simply because someone did some nice things for us? Baffling, but true, my own mother is a believer of maintaining dysfunctional relationships out of obligation.
As you can imagine, I have been overthinking the interaction. What I have come to realize is that no one can dictate who I have relationships with and if I am being completely honest, I don’t even think about this person anymore. My reality is that I can be grateful for every personal connection that I have had. I can appreciate all the kindness that was shown to me, but I don’t have to tolerate unacceptable behavior. I am worthy of relationships that are full of value. I don’t have to settle. I think that is the most powerful lesson here. Never settling for less than I deserve.
As for as the random invitation – I will consider it, but it will be on my terms. Today, I feel no sense of obligation when the connection with someone else isn’t viable. Life is to short to continue to do CPR on a relationship that already died. That’s when you know it is time to move on and move forward.
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