I can remember a time where I would seek others to fill my void. Desperately trying to find a place, I would compromise my values, opinions, and the very foundation of me, to please others. There was a time where I didn’t value myself enough to be independent of others. The fear of speaking up was paralyzing, so I ended up drowning in toxic relationships. When did I become complacent to accept the unacceptable?
Maybe I thought I could change them. Maybe I thought by being a chameleon, I would blend in and go unnoticed. Either scenario was setting myself up for failure. When did I realize that loving myself was the first step into loving others? I would like to imagine that I suddenly was aware of the pattern and was willing to change, but that would be a lie. I hit an emotional bottom similar to an alcoholic hitting their bottom. It was uncomfortable and the process of unlearning this twisted pattern of behavior was tedious.
Being my own advocate is vital in my emotional and spiritual growth. It is no longer acceptable to merely follow the group, but to have a voice and to really have an idea of what I value in relationships. It is all about finding my worth. I am worthy of relationships that have depth and transparency. No games. No agendas. Just relationships full of honesty and loving exchanges. We are all worth it and we shouldn’t settle for anything less.
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