While allowing my knee to heal, I have had a lot of time to think. For me, that is not always a good thing, but there is something that climbed into that messy monkey party I call a brain. In this case, it has actually been a revelation of sorts.
After a long conversation with my mother recently, I realized how someone’s perception can cause them to believe things that either never happened or it was shifted to better justify the action. At the age of 84, she is consumed by what people say, then she analyzes it to death, and strives to fix it. This is recipe for failure sprinkled with a lingering sense of being a victim. As I listened to her share, I was struck on how easy it for us to “spin” our responses, reactions, or anything for that matter to make it “okay” for us to behave a certain way.
In her mind, she is “helpful”, but I know that when one is fearful, the “fixer” arrives. The urge to “control” the situation overpowers the sensibility to allow it to unfold in its natural progression. We have all been subject to the uneasiness of wanting to take over and fix things. I believe that is a natural human reaction. It is hard to watch others suffer, but when we jump into the chaos, are we really there to help or it is simply a way for us to relieve any uncomfortable feelings we are having? Usually, I have to remember to check my motives at the door.
I have gotten to the point in my life where I understand that we are all a product of our own environment. My mother grew up in a different time where people didn’t overshare and they kept family issues hidden in the closet. Some call it denial others call it survival. In any case, different generations breed their own unique stories based on what is acceptable of the time. Now that my perception has shifted a bit, I can listen to my mother with learning ears instead of my judging set. Accepting her and anyone else for that matter, for who and where she is, certainly opens the door for me to be part of the solution instead of the problem.
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