I will admit……I caution on the side of quirkiness. For years, I hid the real essence of myself for fear of rejection. I twisted myself to fit in while neglecting being true to me. My “out of the box” thinking has become a staple, but there is that inner child that fears those in my life will no longer love me as I am.
Truly, this way of thinking goes back to my childhood. I had imaginary friends who absolutely loved me for me. At school, I was the chameleon. Always the square peg, I simply conformed to fit in to whatever situation was presented to me. I don’t think I truly branched out until I was in college, but even then my insecurities were on heightened alert.
In the last year, there have been several instances where I felt myself afraid of what someone was thinking of me. Oddly enough, the individuals are people who have known me a long time and love me, but I had not fully shared some of my quirkiness, so I felt immediately uncomfortable. The fear of rejection was so strong, that I was worried that they wouldn’t love me anymore. It is so humorous because I pride myself on not really caring what others think. Apparently, I have some work to do.
Here is what I know……I love me for me, so caring what others think is really making myself a prisoner to what I think they want me to be. I also am aware that what others think about me is none of my business. Those who truly accept me do so despite my oddities. Being true to me means never conforming my beliefs or truths just to fit in to someone else’s mold. Being true to me makes me vulnerable which is scary, but if I can’t be honest with myself, how can I truly be honest with others?