To Be

After I wrote my blog and shared my struggle with figuring out a life theme to write about for my class, many of you said some very kind things and gave me some valid suggestions.    I am a writer with no process.    It is very probable that my craft resembles a construction site where demolition is the first step before the building actually takes place.    Truth be told, there is a whole lot more demolition than construction.   However, I eventually get to a point where my design is complete and I surge forward to build the ideal piece.

I have no problem being transparent in my writing.    Leaving it all on the table, not only presents an authentic delivery, but it allows me to experience what other people receive when they are listening to my words.   Yesterday, after sitting in front of a blank computer screen for well over an hour, I forged ahead and created a piece that shared the experiences of dealing with alcoholism while traveling the path of raising a child with special needs.    It is interesting what happens when you just let go.    To be honest, I thought it was crap.  Generally, I think all my writing is crap because I am my own worst critic, but I printed it out and presented it to my esteemed group.

I was surprised, dumbfounded, and most of all, humbled by their positive feedback and their suggestions that I develop it more.   Funny how my perceptions can be a tad distorted.   When I started reading, I shared the disclaimer “this is crap” which is so self-defeating that I need to remember that you must start somewhere in order to get to the destination.   My life theme popped up after I wrote the story, which is probably the best way for it to happen.   It resonated in the realm of living my truth.  Being authentic, allows me to simply work with what I have.  What you see is what you get.    It has taken me a long time to recover from the affects of people pleasing.   I am so grateful for the opportunity to do it different as it has freed me from being a hostage to what other people think I should do or how I should be.     I am no longer confined to a box, but free to be the person that I am destined to be.