I am getting on my own nerves, so I can only imagine my representation to others. A geographical cure can only go so far before it implodes. That’s what it feels like to me. It feels like my insides are imploding. Here is the deal, I am annoyed with myself. Annoyed that I have all of these tools to cope with disappointment, with uncertainty, with the ability to move forward and yet, I am stuck. Like quicksand, I feel like I am being sucked into the murkiness that I was doing such a great job of avoiding.
Here is a newsflash……I am human. I was seriously delusional when I thought that this transition…….one that I didn’t request, would be smooth. Oh sure, I felt like I was really embracing the change. I walked and talked a good game, but the change was three weeks away. Now, like a toddler being dragged for a nap they didn’t want, I am on the cusp of my new reality. Why can’t I see all the good happening? Why can’t I simply appreciate all the opportunities being presented?
I need to remind myself that acceptance doesn’t mean I like it or agree with it, it simply means that it is the present reality. I need to sit in my discomfort because it will pass. This isn’t the first time I have walked this path of being uncomfortable and it certainly isn’t the last. While the geographical cure isn’t calming this uneasiness, the scenery of the ocean and palm trees is a whole lot better than the four walls of my own home.
I need to remember to set realistic expectations for myself. Easy does it. No one is telling me to suck it up and get over it. (Okay, maybe the committee meeting in my head is, however, my support network is allowing me to process this in my time.) Change is constant. Change is inevitable. Today, I want to punch change in the face, but that will merely drag out the results.
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