Freedom

I think the biggest mistake that we as humans often make is the belief that pain is avoidable.  That if we stuff it down far enough, we won’t have to feel it.  The problem is that once our soul is full, it bubbles up and there is no where for it to go.  Then we have these raw emotions that seep out and do damage, simply because we don’t know how to cope.

My coping mechanisms were often based on the escape or to fix, manage, and try to control the situation.   Neither worked.  And while I find feeling my feelings rather uncomfortable, dealing with them immediately frees me up to live my life built on a foundation of celebration rather than denial.

Yes, I know, it sucks.    It sucks when we feel that life keeps delivering pain and suffering.  The onset can literally suffocates us, but there is a moment after we have walked through the uncomfortable and truly acknowledged our emotions, where we inhale hope and exhale the suffering.   That is when we are no longer fearful of those moments wrapped in pain.

Let me be clear, I am not a fan of those “growth” moments where I am drowning in being uncomfortable.    The last one occurred during a vacation with my family.  I didn’t dwell in it, but I wrote a lot about it.  Writing acts as a guide for me.   The more I put pen to paper or fingers to the keyboard, the less my discomfort can rule me.   It takes the place of me vomiting my emotions verbally on anyone that happens to be in earshot.   Of course, I reason it out with people in my tribe which allows me to simply be heard.

I have walked through a lot of pain.   Living with active alcoholism while being a new mom to a special needs baby.    Holding my father while he took his last breath.  Losing what I thought was my identity with my writing career.   These are just a few of those moments where I identify my suffering to be suffocating, but I walked through them.  And I came out the other side with a new set of eyes.   Grateful for the pain because it makes me a more resilient human being.   I am not courageous in my walking the path of pain.  I just know that if I don’t, the suffering will be far worse than if I just dealt with it in the beginning.     There is great freedom in simply being willing to be human.  And while discomfort is part of the human experience, the great reminder is it will pass as long as I show up to do the work.