Square Peg ● Round Hole







Yesterday, a miracle happened.  Not only did the sun redeem itself after being overtaken by the moon, but we found a caregiver for my mother.   Hopefully, she won’t runaway screaming anytime soon.   So I exhaled.   And for a moment, there was balance until the seventeen year old came home.

Bryce is on the cusp of transitioning to adulthood.  Something he thinks he already is.   If I hear, “I am seventeen and I know what I am doing.” one more time,  my head might pop off.  I mean, do I run around screaming, “I am fifty and I know what I am doing,”?  No, because on most days I don’t have a clue.  Most days, I am just lucky I know my name.

My boys have always heard me say that they have choices.   Something I didn’t grow up hearing a lot of, but I have learned that “no” is a complete sentence and if something doesn’t feel authentic to me, then I don’t do it.   Since the genetic mapping is a gigantic shit show, I am very mindful of encouraging the boys to make healthy choices.  Yesterday, Bailey shared – because he is a pot stirrer – that Bryce had a soft drink with his meal of a burger and fries.    At dinner, I asked him about lunch and he told me what he had.  I simply stated that you can make whatever choice for food you want, but I don’t have to pay for it.  His response was, “I have choices and I know you won’t want me to starve, so you will pay.”  Exhaling.  More breathing.   Big exhale.     What an ass.

So, after I collected myself, I went to his room and said, “Yes, we all have choices.   You can choose to eat unhealthy and that is fine.  I can choose not to pay and that is my choice.  Your choice is to pay for your own lunches or make something to take to eat. Either way, we are both making our own choices.”   Boom…..drop the mic.   He was silent and that is where I left it friends.

I feel like between the elderly and the teenagers, I need to be fully armored.  It really is giving me lots of opportunities to own my truth, take care of myself, and try not to take anyone emotionally hostage.   I really appreciate all the lessons, but would love for them to be spread out so I can have a reprieve.    Jesus, take the wheel!