I am working hard to learn my spiritual lessons which can come in all forms. And by working hard, I mean I am willing. Willing to dig deep. Willing to be vulnerable. But most of all, willing to own my part. Yesterday was an excellent example of the willingness acting as an adhesive.
There is a relationship in my life where there has been a disconnect. The difficulty was that many of our exchanges have been a serious of emails which often contributed to a variety of misunderstandings. Texting, emails, and any form other than telephone or face-to-face resorts in messages being distorted. When this individual came into town, I asked for a conversation. I wanted to sort out this discomfort and figure out how we can move forward.
For me, there is preparation for such an exchange. I can’t go into it blindly because my ego sends me messages that I have been wronged which encourages me to come from a place of hostility. Left to my own devices, I probably wouldn’t have any quality relationships. Then I write. I write about what I feel their part is and then I write about my part. Visually, I need to see that so that my own distorted feelings of hurt and anger don’t get in the way. After that, I rally my spiritual troops. These are the women in my life that have walked this path of recovery for many of the fifteen years I have been leading a different way of life. They encourage me to feel my feelings, allow me to reason stuff out, and share their experience, strength and hope. Finally, I pray, I meditate, and I invite God into the conversation. All of these things allow me to come from a place of love.
The exchange went beautifully because I had faith. I invested in it and I cultivated it, but mostly I knew in my heart there was more to the story. While there had been a disconnect, there were other factors that had nothing to do with me. This dialogue allowed us to glue the fractured pieces together. That is the miracle of faith.