Even at the ripe old age of fifty years old, I am still in the process of learning new things. The lessons keep coming and I do my best to embrace them. But when my ego is involved, sometimes it takes a tad longer for those lessons to penetrate the surface.
I had a moment recently when I saw a photo of a gathering. It tugged at me a bit because I wasn’t included. My ego, who is merely a toddler who screams when something doesn’t go her way, reared its ugly head. The more rational side of me is whispering “it is none of your business”. So two opposite sides of my many facets continue arguing about how I should feel. I sit in a pool of confusion waiting for them to figure it out.
We have all been there. The feeling of being left out is hurtful. Not by the intent of anyone else, but by our own thoughts. My own thinking does more harm than the actual thing that triggered me in the first place. When I get out of my own “bad neighborhood” aka my head, there is a shift of perception. The realization of “how important is it” that allows me to simply let it go. That old tape of, “you aren’t good enough” dissipates as those feelings of exclusion evaporate.
It isn’t a quick process. I weaved in and out of discomfort for a full day, but the difference is, it didn’t take me hostage. There was no obsession. I allowed myself the freedom of feeling however I chose with no judgment on myself. There is a lot of grace and freedom in simply being gentle with myself when I am feeling vulnerable. Amazing what I learn when I am willing.
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