Square Peg ● Round Hole







“Oh, shit,” is what I muttered as I hustled the dogs in from being outside.  I use sentence enhancers all the time, but this was more emphasized to relay my unhappiness.  You see, the Jehovah Witnesses were creeping around the neighborhood spreading the “good news”.  There is no good news when pesky people try to inundate you with their own beliefs while standing on your front porch.   My delightful sign that is clear about no solicitations and touts that we already believe in Jesus, is apparently invisible to these religious fanatics.

Bailey is just beginning his morning breakfast preparation.  Unfortunately, for him, that will have to wait.  You see, our kitchen is in the front of our house, so these ladies will definitely see him, so operation hide is in full effect.   I tell him to go downstairs quickly and give me five minutes to call him back up.   He is confused, but his confusion will have to wait as the ladies are making their way up the driveway.  Like a ninja, I crouch to remain unseen and head to the bathroom were I can get a better view.  Unfortunately, my Ring battery is charging or I could have used the speaker to act as if I was God.  While I am hiding, I text my neighbor to warn her.   She, too, goes into ninja hiding mode.

They are persistent with the knocking.  The dogs are going mad with their barking but I remain vigilant in the bathroom.  Of course, they send two little old ladies who look to be very pleasant, but I will not be swayed.   Finally, they make their way off of the porch and I can announce the all clear.  Bailey is annoyed and even when I try to explain, he simply ignores me.   It is a common occurrence, so I allow him to proceed with his breakfast ritual.

Am I proud of hiding?  Yes.  I do this for most unfamiliar people traipsing on my property unless they are delivering food, flowers, or they are in my tribe.  I am a firm believer of owning your beliefs, but that doesn’t mean I want to go door to door with them.  You would think that these groups would have a different way of spreading the “good news”.  The day they stop coming to my door will be the only good news I am interesting in receiving.