If you have been reading my blog awhile, you understand that I enjoy being of limited service. In other words, I am happy to be a source of help to my tribe, but outside of that I am selective. It might make me look a little selfish, bitchy, and a string of other adjectives, but my menopausal brain tells me that I can do whatever the hell I want to and no explanation is needed. Sometimes, my brain delivers an idea and it slips out of my mouth before the processing is complete. Once the idea has been uttered, there are expletives running in my head like a Hollywood marquee. The IT department in my mind really needs to work on that.
My Mother’s caregiver has been having car issues for weeks. I have been of service on numerous occasions during that time providing them with a mode of transportation while she works out the problem. On Sunday, as my mother talked about her caregiver not having her car available until it is fixed which would result in her not being able to come to work, I opened my large, unfiltered pie hole and volunteered to be her driver until her car is ready. Sure, it sounds kind of me and I felt great about doing it until I was actually in the midst of the action yesterday. She lives thirty minutes away which means an hour round trip unless it is during rush hour and then it is a two hour round trip journey. By the time I got home last night, I was annoyed with myself. I berated my brain for popping that idea in my head.
Now I sound selfish and self-centered which is a line I walk like a drunk monkey. I have the capacity of putting others first, but then tend to get too involved with their issue. I need to find some balance. I need to get a filter installed for my pie hole.
Today, I will be of service again. Her car will be ready this afternoon, but I am not convinced that this is the end of the story. She has taken her car to three different mechanics who have yet to actually fix the problem and money issues plague her. But, this is an individual who loves my mother and is excellent with her, so I need to remember that when I am wrestling with being of service. I also need to be mindful of all the times others have stepped up for me when I have needed help. Life is a pay-it-forward deal.
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