I have been a bit tangled emotionally. Sure, it could be the adjustment of Bryce leaving home or the turbulent nature of caring for my geriatric mother, but mixed in has been some grief about the reality of still parenting Bailey. With him, sometimes I project too far into the future. I obsess about how his living arrangements will look and what will happen when we are gone. When he was younger, I was more focused on the daily grind along with the need to advocate that seemed to follow me like an stalker. Now, with the lull in activity, I have been a little compromised in my feelings.
This past week has been riddled with emotional highs and lows. Thankfully I have been strongly supported by my tribe and have not been arrested for murdering those who annoy me. Orange really isn’t my color. With that being said, last night gave me a new perspective or perhaps, a mere adjustment on my outlook.
For the last few years, Trinity High School where Bailey is employed, has allowed his dance team to perform at halftime during one of the football games. This group is comprised of individuals with Down syndrome of various ages. Last night, was their scheduled performance and I will tell you that it was exactly what I needed. While standing on the field with them, I could feel the palpable energy from the crowd. The unconditional love and acceptance radiated. I laughed and cried at the same time. Laughing because Bailey did his own version of the dance and crying because, well, it was a wonderful reminder of how he and his friends love their lives. They aren’t consumed by worry or fear. They live each day full of hope. I want to be them when I grow up.
Sometimes, I need the reminder that I am blessed. The reminder that everything in his future is already planned out by a power that is greater than me. And last night, God was present as the crowd erupted in a standing ovation simply because they too, were reminded of how inspiring these individuals are and were moved by their example. What a beautiful way to end this crazy week.