I have kept a closed lip about a life-changing event that occurred recently. If it had been up to me, this topic would have been blogged. My process to help me deal with life’s unwavering surprises is to write. But I was asked to honor my spouse’s request not to, as it is his story to tell. Last night, I got the green light.
Three weeks – 22 days, 6 hours, and 51 minutes – ago, Brian was released from his job. It was unexpected for me, but apparently the shit has been going down at this particular place of employment for a while. Naturally, when he called, I was flustered, fearful, and most of all, in shock. He had been a steadfast employee for 14 years. In my opinion, he got screwed. But, in any given scenario, there are always pockets of blessings. He had been miserable working there for quite a while. The toxicity of the situation was bleeding into our home life. And, for him, there was a sense of relief. With that being said, I just rid my home of all cups bearing the name of that hideous company. I ceremoniously gave the finger as each cup entered the trash. On to new beginnings.
So, ladies, I have been home with my spouse for not quite three weeks since he and the boys left on Saturday. It has been an adjustment for me to say the least. The first day he was home, he asked, “Do you always eat lunch this early?”. I am not used to having a human presence around during the day. He inquired as to why I kept going out into my “she-shed” aka writing studio. “I am not bothering you as I am in another room.” It doesn’t matter, friends. I need my own space. It may surprise you, but I have not been a delightful person through this process. The first week, I was very supportive, but the novelty wore off where I was anxious for him to get out of my sight. Might be harsh, but honest. I am not one to sugar coat things. This week has been a huge reprieve for me. I needed the break desperately. Yes, our vows say “for better or for worse”, but I don’t remember them saying “for 24 hours a day, seven days a week”.
The bonus is that I have a new kitchen floor. Brian is starting to get hits on his resume and interviews are being scheduled. When he gets home, I will be getting new counters and farmhouse sink, so there is sunshine among the clouds. For me, I just need to work on my expectations of the situation. I need to be supportive team member instead of a grumbling self-centered she-devil.
Things could be worse. I do have that awareness. I am grateful that he is away from a place that stole his bliss. That he now has the opportunity to find a place that sees his worth and values his contribution. This new year is a stepping stone for him and while I am itching for instant gratification, I know God has a plan. I wish He would spill the details. What I do know is that this will all workout in His timing. I just need to partner with my nemesis, patience and be a kinder version of myself. Acknowledging that I am not the only one affected by this tenuous situation.
So, here is to the new year and new beginnings. I have a feeling that 2019 will be the foundation for something very exciting. Embracing the change and sitting in the discomfort is bringing me lots of opportunities to focus on myself. That is something I am sure my spouse will be happy to experience.
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