Square Peg ● Round Hole







Social media is the foundation for promoting my writing. I have shared that on Instagram, I seem to attract some creepy men who send me messages like “Hello pretty” or “You are so beautiful”. Gee, thanks, but that’s a “no” from me. But, nothing moved my inner “ewww” radar than the email I got yesterday through LinkedIn. I am not a frequent user of this particular site as most of my writing gigs are freelance, and I already have those contacts made. But, I feel like it is a good idea to simply have the account in place in case other opportunities arise.

So, I receive an email from a Richard Edward or, as I like to refer to him as Dick. Dick’s email was alarming. Not just because he sounded like a desperate, creepy stalker-like individual, but it was his sentence structure, improper grammar usage, and oh my God, the lack of punctuation. Here is his email:

Please I saw your profile on Linkedln  as somebody I may know.
You are too pretty that I had to look at your picture to figure outwhere we must have crossed path.
My name is Richard Edward. Does it ring a bell to you ? I ,Please let me know if it jogs your memory, IF NOT ,I will send my picture upon your response or alternatively we can meet for a cup of coffee or lunch PLEASE.I will be glad to reacquaint with you, you are exceptionally beautiful and alluring .
Waiting for your returned mail.
Thanks Richard   

Now, of course, I am not responding to this. I have taken my personal email off of my profile, reported it to the powers that be, but I do want to share what my response would be IF I were to email him back.

Dear Dick,

To say that I am offended by your email would be an understatement. I am not sure which is more offensive. Is it your unwelcome attention or perhaps your lack of proper use of the rules of grammar? First, “outwhere” is not a word and punctuation is key to sentence structure. But, I suppose that creepy men like you don’t feel the need to use proper grammar skills. Do women actually respond to this type of blatant display of interest? And while you were so kind as to describe me as beautiful and alluring, I assure you that I am more bitchy and prickly partnered with an adorable sarcastic undertone. In fact, my husband would probably be the first to warn you of my demonic tendencies when I am royally pissed.

So, Dick, you can take your creepy self and go crawl into the hole that you had previously occupied. Maybe while you spend time in that particular hole, you can work on your writing skills.

While the creep-o-meter was at an all-time high, he did give me writing material. Thanks, Dick!