Yesterday, of course, was Mother’s day. The holiday that could go either way. Either you are blissfully happy or your expectations have gone unmet. Me? Well, I dictate the day. My only request was for them to simply leave me alone along with having pizza for dinner. (Yes, FASTer Way to Fat Loss can include pizza. Shameless plug. Sorry. Not Sorry.) Anyway, constructing the day that way, means that everyone is happy. Well, except for Brian. Let me explain.
Bryce and I had gone to my mother’s house to help her with some things and to spend time with her. When we got back home, my requested pizza dinner was waiting. I was elated, as my plan was to eat it in bed, while reading a book and enjoying an adult beverage. Sublime, friends. I was all settled, while Brian seemed to be having some issues with the television and walked into Bryce’s room for assistance. Thank God, Bryce is home to assist him with his elderly issues. Anyway, as Brian goes back to the living room, I hear many expletives spewing from his mouth along with the very descriptive word “whore”. I jump from the bed to see what the hell is happening to my very peaceful Mother’s day, and find, Daisy, one of our Basset hounds, enjoying some of Brian’s pizza. First of all, I know Daisy is not a whore. She is fat and lazy, but a whore she is not.
I removed Daisy from the scene of the crime and put her in time out aka her kennel. She was still enjoying her pizza that had jalapenos on it which, I assume, will be a gift that keeps on giving, if you get my gist. Meanwhile, Brian was still fuming while I, because I am a kind person, proceeded to point out the obvious……never leave food alone with a Basset. Duh. My spouse seriously thought that Daisy should know better while I obviously think that is laughable. In fact, I did laugh. And laugh. And laugh.
Later, Brian apologized to Daisy regarding his language. Daisy did not apologize because, well, she is a diva. The lesson I learned was, don’t eat Brian’s pizza or you will be called a whore.
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