Square Peg ● Round Hole







Once a month, I venture out for my pedicure. I am a low maintenance gal, but this is my indulgence. I have had a standing appointment with the same gal for over four years. It’s early. In fact, it is before the salon actually opens which means, no interaction with crowds of people. It is ideal.

Yesterday, I settled into the pedicure chair ready to relax. I picked my color – red – and while I soaked my feet, she went to retrieve my color. Now, let me say that I have been wearing red for the entire WKU football season. That’s their color and I can assure you, that it helped get them to a bowl game. You laugh, but my toe color is incredibly powerful. Anyway, while I am soaking, I am noticing that the water is getting increasingly hotter and it continues to rise. I hop out of the chair. Relaxation has been replaced with adrenaline as I frantically search for the off switch for the water while screaming her name. When I find it, I breathe a sigh of relief.

No one hears my cries for help. Do you remember the scene from “I Love Lucy” where she is trying to keep up with the conveyor belt? That was me only with water. I worked feverishly grabbing towels to soak up the liquid from the overflowing tub. It was everywhere.

When my delightful pedicurist came back into her room, her eyes bulged like a cartoon character. I started laughing. I, mean, what else are you going to do in this situation? Towels are strewed everywhere. My foot prints tell the story of the frantic situation. Together we clean up and I deadpan, “I was screaming your name”.

“I didn’t hear you. I was at the front of the salon,” she says.

I could have called her on my phone, but then I would have lost the momentum I had going with the flood. “I think you all should install of “help” button. You know, like what they have in nursing homes.”

I sit back down in the chair recommitting to relaxing. Unfortunately, I am still having flashbacks of my near-death experience. Slow your roll. I realize I am exaggerating, but you weren’t there. You didn’t see my toenails without polish on them. The horror of thinking I might be found dead without my feet looking their best. I shiver at the thought.

She was upset about the situation, so I distracted her with the topic of people sunning their butt holes. The proper term is “perineum sunning”. That’s fancy talk for “dumb ass”. It’s a real thing. I know, you wish I hadn’t shared that information. (Google actor Josh Brolin.) Apparently, if you do this for 30 seconds, it can assist with deeper sleep, super-charging your focus, and boosting your creativity. WTAF? Anyway, I read her Josh Brolin’s Instagram post about his experience. Let’s just say, I think he did it longer than 30 seconds as he was VERY uncomfortable. We were laughing so hard that tears were streaming down our face.

While my “aqua therapy” was not relaxing, a good laugh at someone’s expense always helps. And remember, certain areas of the body should never see the light of day.