Tripping

Yesterday, was the first time for me to use my TSA Pre-check. Friends, I can’t begin to tell you what a gift that was to me. Unfortunately, before I could breezily walk through the checkpoint without disrobing and unpacking my carry-on, I needed to present my passport and ticket to the TSA agent. We all know that I have perception issues. Issues reading simple instructions. Possibly directionally challenged. Well, let’s just sum it up by saying I have a shit ton of issues. I proceed to follow the sign for TSA Pre-check, but apparently I really didn’t and was in the regular line. You know, the one where they make you strip down, feel you up and don’t even say “thank you”. Once up to the agent, I shared that I thought I was in the wrong line. He looked at me with the basic “no shit, dumbass” and directed me over to another agent who sent me on my way to what I am now referring to as “travel heaven”.

I put my bag on the conveyor belt, walk through the scanner, and proceed on my way. It felt amazing. You all know how much I cringe at the thought of random people being in my vicinity which is code for “the public”, but fortunately, two of my high school friends happened to be on the same flight. Which meant, I wasn’t sitting with strangers who would make idle chit-chat with me. We are all cruise bound which we are boarding today. When Southwest started allowing us on the plan, my appendage and I made our way to our seat. One of the guys greeting the passengers, looked at my boot and made the comment that “maybe I will learn to stop kicking puppies”. I was caught off guard. No one has just made up what happened to me, they normally inquire. So, when we were deplaning, I said to him, “I wasn’t kicking puppies. I fell off a stripper pole.” I can’t begin to tell you how fun it is to completely shock people. Probably didn’t believe me, but it was fun watching his face when I said it.

You probably won’t hear a peep from me until Saturday, so have a great week. And know that I will have lots of material to deliver when I get back. I just have to change the names to protect the guilty.