I think of the new year like I did the first day of school when I was not as jaded as I am today. New school supplies always got me a little giddy. I loved my colorful folders and sharpened pencils. Oh, and I was obsessed with those pens that offered five different colors in one writing utensil. So, I try to adopt that mentality even though I am a lot older and a little more pessimistic.
Yesterday, I made the commitment of writing in my outdoor studio. Since having foot surgery, I haven’t been able to transition to my sanctuary AKA the only place where testosterone does not rule. My spouse had originally built it as a playhouse for our boys, but they quickly grew up and I took it over. It comes with a covered porch, replacement windows, and electricity. If it had a bathroom, I probably would never leave. It is a coveted oasis that feeds my creative cravings.
While I plow through the first draft of my second book, my debut novel launch is quickly approaching. Can I be transparent? I am bit terrified. Sure, I am excited but there is some vulnerability in having a book published. Some people will hate. Some people will love it. Some might not even finish it. I must not take the haters personally. I am a recovering people pleaser, friends. The good news is I am not obsessing over it…..much. Love it. Hate it. Don’t finish it. The book may not be everyone’s cup of tea and that’s okay. But, there is a part of me that wants to replicate Sally Field’s iconic, “You like me. You really like me.” speech when she won her Academy Award. The struggles is real.
It’s odd to me that I can write a blog about my messy life and not feel as “naked” as I currently feel with the release of this book. What I do know is that if it scares you enough, you must do it. I could no longer ignore the nudges of moving forward. I don’t want to leave this world with regrets. I couldn’t use the excuse, “when I have time, I will finish it” because this universal pause AKA the pandemic, forced me to seize the opportunity. Sure, now I am a bit frazzled about the approaching release date, but there is a level of satisfaction about fulfilling a dream of being a published author. Regardless of whether it is liked or not, that is an accomplishment that no one can take away from me.