My mother took her last breath on June 2 around 4:30 a.m. while my sister and caregiver were by her side. As life continues to move forward my mind is boggled down by the massive to-do list. I know that I don’t have to do everything at once. That there is really no rush, but there is a level of discomfort that the quicker its done, the quicker I will feel better. That’s a lie, of course. Grief is a process. This isn’t my first rodeo. When you lose someone who was such a pivotal portion of your everyday existence, the hole is gaping.
There are the pockets of goodness that seep in to ease the heaviness. Luna’s trainer is allowing me to bring her at no charge while attend the funeral. My friends are providing food for after the service, so my sister and our families don’t have to deal with those details. I have had people send me flowers with beautiful messages of hope. Kindness. Compassion. Love. Those are the essential ingredients that fill me up right now.
When I told my youngest that his grandmother had passed away, he reached out and hugged me. He said, “Mom, I am so proud of how you took care of Mawmaw. You did a great job and you were a really good daughter”. That, my friends, gave me pause. Oh, and it made me cry. I didn’t always do it gracefully, but I did do it the best way I knew how. I never did it a alone. I had an arsenal of support that backed me every step of the way.
Today, I will take it a moment at a time. I will be easy with myself. I will dwell in the cocoon of support that has been offered to me. I am not alone in this journey.