I pushed through last week. It was a lot of activity between opening an estate account and moving items out of my mother’s house. Not going to lie, it was harder than I thought it would be. Walls are bare and prices placed on those pieces that we were not interested in keeping, amplified the transition.
When Friday arrived, I was ready to decompress and I just so happened to have a girl’s weekend planned. I knew that I could be transparent in my current emotional state without allowing the grief to cloud the beauty of time with my friends. I also didn’t want to be that weepy friend that no one wants to be around because I am such a downer. I know that is my own perception. Old tapes that play in my head….”fake it until you make it”, “you can have a pity party when you are alone”, and “no one wants to hear the same old sad story”. You see grief has a funny way of shifting my outlook and making me feel like a burden.
On the way home, I was riding with one of my tribe members who is walking a similar grief path. She lost an important maternal figure in her life several weeks before my Mom died. As we talked, I shared how hard going through decades of my parent’s belongings has been and the tears flowed. She reminded me to ask for support. A wise reminder to not allow grief paralyze my ability to reach out to others and that I don’t need to do this alone. I know this, but grief is a tricky bitch.
I don’t want to be coddled through this. I don’t want people to avoid the subject fearing my reaction. I just need to know that when I crack, there is a support system in place to help me heal. Grateful I have one.