Yes, I am aware that there are certain subjects considered taboo.  The topic of money is not discussed openly amidst mixed company.   I assume it is because it is considered a private matter.  Well, I am going to shake it up and share my love/hate relationship with the almighty dollar.

I grew up believing we had no money.   My mother would say things like, “we don’t have any money”, so I was always living with the fear that we would be on the streets.  Of course, we had money, just not to meet my frivolous need of the moment.  It was all semantics, but when you use that wording with a child, the conclusion is scarcity.    Fast forward to meeting my husband.   He grew up believing that there was no shortage of money.   Literally, I think he thought that he could go outside and pick a twenty dollar bill off of a tree.  That is how lucrative his belief system was, so when you unite two people who have zero concept of money, it is a recipe for disaster.

For years, we struggled with  balancing our distorted perception.   We lacked the ability to budget which led to us never living within our means.   We have been bailed out numerous times by both sides of the family.   Maybe it was having children or maybe I was just ready to do something different, but I remember showing Bryce how our money was spent each month. Providing him with the knowledge so he understands the flow of our expenses. Today, I am open about how much his tuition is and if we can spare an extra $20 for his next expenditure.     It is progress for sure, but definitely not perfection.   I will be the first to admit, I think money is scary.   When I have too much, I worry I will spend it all.  When I don’t have enough, I am fearful of not being able to pay my bills.    And please, don’t even get me started on saving.     Saving money to me is like learning a foreign language.

So, where am I now?  Well, my relationship is better although I will say, I am still learning plenty of lessons.  Like any relationship that needs work, it demands attention. I can’t ignore it.   Right now, I am in the midst of saving for our trip to Italy.   How’s it’s going?   Well, slow, but I am on a mission to overcome myself and the bad blood I seem to have with my cha-ching.

For those of you that are uncomfortable with the topic, I apologize, but for me, I have to write out of my comfort zone.  It provides me with the necessary tools to overcome those pesky obstacles that I have placed in my path.    Sometimes, my limited thinking expands enough to where I finally feel that I can conquer the evil dragon, which in this case looks like a dollar bill.