My health journey has made me keenly aware of action that needs to be taken. Why am I 55 with my days filled with doctor’s waiting rooms? Why is my traitorous body rebelling? I don’t recall my body filing a formal complaint. Or, it is possible that this constant testing and visits to these individuals counts as such. Rude.
I think God needs a little review on how this life process works. Personally, I think it is bullshit that we are punished for aging. Shouldn’t we get a gold star once we are in this phase of life? Come on, we suffered through puberty, made it through parenthood with minimal damage, and are on the cusp of exhaling when our body screams, “Not so fast”. It’s cruel.
Don’t confuse my rant with complaining. Okay, maybe a sprinkle of complaining, but more on the level of helpful suggestions to the man upstairs. Honestly, I am sure He will appreciate my thorough PowerPoint presentation with concrete evidence that there is a better way. Here are a few suggestions:
- Limited hair growth on women’s chins. Seriously, where the fuck did that black hair come from? It is so long I could braid it with the matching one beside it.
- I would love to laugh without being worried I will wet myself. My uterus housed two boys who thought my bladder was a trampoline. Why I am being tortured for my ability to produce children?
- The ability to get up out of any position without saying, “ugh” out loud.
- Fine lines and wrinkles belong on clothes not my face. I get that I am aging. No reason to rub it in.
Those are just a few ideas. I don’t want to give everything away, but I will give this life experience a healthy three star review on Yelp. I don’t want to trash His work but I feel like there is always room for improvement. Who doesn’t love a dose of constructive criticism?
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