Have you ever had one of those moments where you feel like you are in your own reality show? Recently, I had one of those experiences that led me to believe that growing old with Brian is going to be more fascinating than I could ever imagine.
We have gotten into the habit of going to Publix twice a month. It is kind of our date to grocery shop together. Don’t judge. We do other things too, but this one just kind of stuck. Publix is a novelty in Kentucky and quite frankly, I despise Kroger, so this is a win-win for all involved. Anyway, we do our usual shopping, checkout, and load up the car. As I sit down, I am immediately aware that my phone is missing. Sheer panic. Like a druggie looking for their next fix, I scramble.
“I can’t find my phone.” I shriek.
“Where have you been?” He asked.
Really? That is the question you want to ask when you saw me with it in the store. Hey, Sherlock Holmes. All evidence points to the store. I didn’t say that, of course. That would be rude.
“The store.” I responded with a tiny sprinkle of sarcasm. Rude but not as rude as my previous statement in my head.
As I moved to get out of the car to go into the store and go on a scavenger hunt, I saw my missing limb AKA my phone. Apparently I was sitting on it. Relief spread through me and we both chuckled.
On our way to the store, we saw that the traffic was heavy going in the opposite direction. We are so smart, that we opted to go the longer way home to avoid it.
“I will go the way home that you went after I had my colonoscopy.” He stated.
This is what I love about my spouse. His ability to remember directions after one time is astounding. As we drove home, I settled in for the drive. We chatted. I was so happy that we would miss all of that traffic. The longer we drove, I became confused. The scenery didn’t match the way I usually go. I didn’t say anything because, after all, of the two of us, I am geographically illiterate. GPS is my best friend. My dad tried to teach me how to read a map, but that went as well as him trying to tutor me in math. He drank and I cried. Bless his heart.
When we came up on a sign welcoming us to a different part of the county that is a good 30 minutes away from our house, Brian finally realized we were going the wrong way. It really surprised me because of his innate ability to navigate directions. Then Brian said, “I was pretty out of it when we were driving home after my colonoscopy.”. Okay, that does track. My expectations for him to remember the way might have been slightly unrealistic.
I put on my GPS and we made our way home. It was a glimpse, my friends. We laughed because what else are we going to do? Our 20 minute ride home resulted in a 45 minute excursion. I need one of us to have our shit together. It is not going to work if both of us are not in our right mind at the same time. We need to learn how to balance that.
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