Define

My agenda when I am speaking with clients on our crisis/988 lines is to actively listen and ask open-ended questions in the hope that this will shift their thinking. Most share that they have a hard time moving forward because of feeling trapped in the past. They feel defined by it and consequently, remain stuck as if the events were still occurring.

I will tell you what I tell them……you are not defined by your past unless you allow it. We all have had experiences or traumas that impact us, but it is what you do with it that matters. Do you drag it around like a dead body? Do you talk incessantly about how you were wronged? Do you have a tendency to berate yourself for those past errors of judgement? Do you focus on other people’s crisis rather than dealing with your feelings? Then maybe it is time you live in the now. Maybe it is time to be honest with yourself.

There is nothing more frustrating than being stuck. I lived in the past for a while. It was a bad neighborhood layered with unnecessary obsessive thinking. I needed to get out of there for my own sanity. My past doesn’t dictate my future. It is simply part of the story. In order for me to be there for others, I need to unpack my baggage. That is a tough one, but highly effective. I have found that those who haven’t dealt with their past, have a really hard time connecting on a deeper level. They tend to be emotionally unavailable. They have erected walls.

Today, I want to be grateful for the experiences that have shaped me. I like to think that those past situations molded me into the person I am today.

So, friends, what are you going to do today, that will allow you to be present, while looking forward and not dwelling in the past? It’s your story. Write a good one.