I am a puzzle. Truly complicated. Very intricate. Most of all, a mystery. Sometimes I am in awe of the fact that I am still functioning while other times I really look like I have my shit together.
Here is my reality. My youngest will be coming home after finishing up his graduate assistant position while he looks for a job. That is a big transition for us all. I will now have to wear pants. You might think, Jesus, Allison, put on some pants, but at night, I want the freedom to be without pajama bottoms. It is my right, at least for now until some orange man takes that away too. I digress as usual. It’s like I can’t get all my ducks in a row.
We have a family member that has been extremely ill and that emotional upheaval has weighed heavy on all of us. We are all navigating as best as we can. There is grace in living in the moment and when you are in it, you have no choice but to be present.
Through all of this, I have managed pretty well, that is if I were a clown at a circus. The other day, I caught myself before I put Luna’s wet food in my coffee. The squirrels in my head were at a rave and trying to get my mind to quiet has been a chore. I am so consumed with the unknowns that I really need to bring myself back to the basics. Easy does it. I need to prioritize my self-care needs before dealing with what life is currently presenting.
I wish I had a crystal ball to give me a glimpse into how all this is going to work out. I know it will. I know God’s timing is always perfect even if I don’t necessarily agree with the time frame. In the meantime, I will be breathing in and out. I will take care of what I need to take care of, but most of all, I will just be present.
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