Way back in March, when everyone froze in place in an effort to wait out the bitch called COVID-19, I got into a routine of opening my front door. Now, in “normal” times, I would never have done that because it would give people the illusion they were welcome. I don’t really enjoy humans. In fact, I don’t even have a welcome mat because I am not a liar. So, pardon me for being confused as to what happened yesterday morning.

I am in the bathroom attempting to get back on my scooter when I hear several insistent knocks on my storm door. WTAF??? Instead of answering the annoyance through my RING app, I scoot my way to the door. There I am greeted by a young man who is obviously selling something. I have a sarcastic no solicitation sign that he blatantly ignored and for the love of Jesus, he wasn’t wearing a mask.

“Can I help you?” My voice is dripping with annoyance.

“Oh, are you alright?” As he acknowledges my mode of transportation.

“I’m fine, thank you, but you are ignoring my no solicitation sign.”

“No, I just thought it would be awkward for you to see me at other homes and not stop here to show you what I am doing.” What? He proceeds to reveal an educational book that is he trying to unload on unsuspected individuals.

“Actually, what is awkward is you trying to sell me something when I have told you that I am not interested, so move along.” I turn away my scooter very dramatically as he packs up his shit and gets off my porch. Seriously, we are in a pandemic and I thought that door-to-door salespeople got the memo. I thought I was safe to have my door open.

That was the second odd sighting of the week. On Monday night, there was an ice cream truck slowly inching its way down our street with its creepy music blaring. Again, WTAF? He, too, opted for the no mask look and, people actually bought his product. Seriously. And many of his patrons, opted for no masks as well. Awesome. Clearly, no one got the memo that that this bitchy virus is still intact. Color me surprised.

So, I think I will just hang out in my home way far away from the lunatics that ignore our reality. See you all on the flip side.