Are you the type of person who randomly blurts out the first thing you are thinking when you are socially uncomfortable? Do you wish that you could draw those words back in your mouth once they are floating in the air? Welcome. My name is Allison and I am socially awkward.
It started early. I was probably seventeen when my first recollection of this occurrence where my mouth and brain were not working well together. My great-uncle had been rushed to the ER. I was with my mother and we were following the ambulance. After a few hours, he was pronounced dead. My great-aunt, his sister, was beyond upset. Instead of having the ability to simply be quiet, I asked what kind of funeral he wanted. Seriously. My beautiful aunt and my mother just looked at me like I had five heads. Sure, when someone is getting married they have thought about the kind of ceremony they want, but a funeral is a tad different. We can excuse it because I was young, but honestly, it hasn’t gotten better.
At my 50th surprise party, I walked into my friend’s house and saw all of these special people yelling “surprise” and what do I do? Well, they are all staring at me so I hone in on my husband and say, “What the hell are you doing here?”. I kid you not. The obvious answer was he was there to celebrate his wife, but the discomfort of having everyone stare at me was too much. I used it as a distraction but it made my discomfort worse. Sweet, Baby, Jesus.
The other example is by far the most embarrassing. At my mother’s funeral, I was slated to do the eulogy. A dear family friend was presiding over the ceremony. He shared a little about his relationship with our family with such eloquence. It startled me a bit as it ended as quickly as it began. I guess being raised Catholic, I was used to long-winded sermons. In my head, I am thinking “I thought he would talk longer”. The problem is I said it out loud. Everyone heard me. Super awkward. Sometimes, I surprise myself with my lack of social etiquette.
I have come to terms with the reality that I will probably be that sweet, old lady with absolutely no filter. I guess at that point, who cares what people think. For now, I will be that quirky girl who occasionally reacts awkwardly. We all have our crosses to bear. This just happens to be mine. I can’t wait to hear what comes out of my mouth next. Stay tuned.
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