Fake

There is such gratitude that social media and email are all behind the screen.  Yes, I am aware you can do video chat and all that delightful face to face crap, but personally, I like the ability to read an email or a post without having worry about my facial expressions.  For example, I received an email the other day from an individual who I know but not well.   She was writing to inform me that they have some homes for an upcoming tour and she was also wondering who to pitch an idea to, all relating to my former employer.  While we are “friends”, she obviously missed the part that I was led out to pasture six months ago.  So, when I read the email, I rolled my eyes, made faces, and added sentence enhancers to my verbal commentary.    My email to her supplied the contact information and my current state of affairs while her response wasn’t warm and fuzzy, it was basically thanks for the information.   Big exhale……..

In person, I do struggle with my facial expressions.   They are a dead giveaway to my internal turmoil.   I really have a hard time being fake.   Fake smile peppered with the fake small talk has the potential to make me puke a little in my mouth.   That isn’t me and it never has been.   The only time I can “fake it until I make it” is while I am working.  When I have my work switch on, I can laugh, delight in their company, and then get in my car where I deliver my running commentary on how horrid that person was.   Now, most people I meet are delightful, but there are those that teeter on the brink of pretentious.    Comes with the territory I suppose.  I try to spread my sunny disposition everywhere hoping that my face cooperates with the plan.   Sometimes my face has its own agenda.